What is your inner child?
Maybe you heard about The Inner Child but do you know what it means?
Perhaps you know what it is or maybe you don’t.
Or maybe you’re just confused and need some clarification.
I will do my best to explain this to your inner child is.
What is your inner child?
The inner child is not an existing child inside you. The inner child is a name for all the emotions, feelings or traumas that you have stored in your mind and body during your life.
It is called the Inner child because the way to “find” these traumas is to travel back in time and re-live these moments. And while you travel back, you will feel it like this is your current age and probably you also somehow still behave like this child.
If you have a problem as a grown-up it is very likely these problems has its root in something happened when you were a child.
It is also very likely that you start acting like the age when this trauma, situation, patters incurred.
When you start doing this inner child work, you will notice that your inner child is actually is present in your mind much more often then you thought. Many times the reasons for us to not success or beeing happy is because the inner child is stopping up. The inner child acts in fear and doesn´t want the same trauma again.
When you start giving love to your inner child and start dealing with the situations that happened as a child, you are much more likely to take decisions on what is right and based on your intuition.
The child is very smart and if you start to listen to him/her you will get enormous help to live a life in peace. You will also start to realize that many of the things you don´t want in life are because you did not meet these inner child’s emotions.
Traumas, what is it?
All of us have traumas. Even if you think you don´t, you do!
The word trauma can be a bit confusing because it is easy to the thing it is only big things.
But when we write about the Inner child and trauma this includes both big things like abusement but also small things that you are not really aware of. I will make a list further down so you have some examples.
Everything that affected you in a way when you were a child is stored in your body and in your mind like a little child.
When people talk about meeting their inner child they’re actually talking about going back to that specific situation or that feeling and accept it or deal with it.
With the right teacher/mentor you can even go back until your one-year-old and some people say you can go even further back.
Some other teachers say that most things happen between year 6 to 9 because the brain starts understanding the logic in a new way.
I did both of these. I met myself as a two-year-old but also as a seven-years-old.
You might think you don´t know any situations in your life? You just don´t feel in harmony bur your childhood was great? This was the ways for me as well so I understand this. You don´t have to know a specific time where trauma started.
You will be guided by your self because your mind knows everything in your life. When you start speaking to your inner child it will guide you. Just trust the process and you will do great!
You can have many traumas in your mind and body so this can take time, but by one step at the time, you will reach inner peace.
Once dealing with one trauma this is gone.
So what can make a trauma?
Here are some examples. Of course, this list could go on forever but these are pretty common things. Mostly it is your parents doing these to you but it can also be someone else that was a big part of your life. Very impotent to understand is that your parents NEVER do something to harm you, they always do their best from their place. Mostly they are not aware that this affected you.
-someone said “don´t be that shy”
-someone said “don´t be so sensitive”
-someone said “don´t be so curious”, “don´t ask all these questions”
-someone did not trust you do make a task that you actually would have managed
-someone beat you up
-someone psychical harmed you
-someone sighed when you did “wrong”
-someone put you to bed as a baby, and even if you screamed they did not pick you up
-someone yelled at you with no reason
-who you felt you wanted to be was not accepted
-someone protected you too much
It can also be the other way around.
-you could see a grown-up was hurt, ask the “what’s the matter” and they said “nothing”. Their feeling or emotion did not match the truth that you saw.
-someone was very curious about things in life but had low self-esteem and never did what they could. You saw this and asked “why don´t you do this thing that you like to do”? the person made up excuses
-people around you were fighting
-grown-ups around you yelled a lot at each other.
Children can see when a grown-up is not true to themselves. As children, we are expert at feelings, emotions, and energy but if grown-ups don´t follow their inner voice it is very likely that you as a child start using the same pattern because you think this is the right way to go. The problem is just that when you don´t follow your inner voice you become more un-happy.
What is very important to understand is that even if this is your parents who brought you up they did the best they could. They always do. It’s very easy to blame your parents because you know that they are the ones harming you.
Try to be understanding and do the inner work by the help of a therapist, not judging your parents.
How to know what is your inner child
If you don’t feel inner peace and mostly fell unhappy you probably have something in your body or in your mind that is stored that stops you (the inner child).
You don´t let that inner child talk. Instead, you gave your word and thought away to someone else and pretend there is no inner child. Maybe it is your mums feeling you took upon you or perhaps it might be your dad’s behavior that you keep repeating.
When you accept that inner child and you start talking about and to her or him it will change you dramatically
You will start living a new life. New more mature thought will come to mind and the feeling of fighting or hiding from something will disappear.
I am aware that this is not very easy.
I know that it takes many rounds before you even understand when you talk from your child and not from someone else’s opinion.
How to find that inner child?
If you have any kind of inner drama my biggest advice is to start healing Yourself by meeting the inner child.
It’s a tough road to go but when you do it, this will change you forever.
I’ve been more or less depressed for almost 15 years but I didn’t have the normal depression.I had a roller coaster of emotions that made me never feel inner peace. I met my inner child and I was healed! No more depression!
This is how big this Inner work can be!
Nowadays I trust myself and my inner child when she talks.
Or at least I give her an honest possibility to talk.
6 ways to meet your inner child
1. Yoga – if you open up during yoga this can make your inner child come alive
2. Gratitude – when you start practicing gratitude you can see there are things you don´t want to feel gratitude for or things you take for granted.
Ask your self why this is and maybe your inner child will answer.
3. Meditation – you can start meditating you will have so many things that will come up and if you just accept them this would be great progress.
There are several meditations-practices to help you connect to your inner child
4. Self-development programs – you can meet a teacher online and go different programs. They force you do dig deep before you can develop.
5. Writing letters – By writing and having a specific age in mind you will find out a lot about your self.
6. Hypnosis – there are several hypnosis-audios that you can use. But make sure it is a good one! Hypnosis can be really good but also it can harm you. It is the brain you dig into so it is important to pick the right one!
I know this is not the same list that a normal therapist would give you. They would most likely just talk to you and have you talking or writing things.
This is good but I know (because I did it myself) that many things are stored in your body or the mind of the body. This means that there are things that are very hard to access through words. You need to use the body.
Yoga and meditation are two great ways of healing your body without talking.
But I guess a combination in the best. Work with your body, make it start processing things and the put it in words.
Below I will give you my story.
You can skip this part and comment below if there is things you like to add or if you have questions.
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But of course, you are welcome to read if you like 🙂
My story about the inner child work.
I was always very afraid of having all feelings and emotions.
I thought that Feelings was something wrong.
I thought that I was bad or annoying by having and showing feelings.
When I got angry or sad someone told me “ don´t be so sensitive”. or” you don’t have to be angry, think about the positive”.
They just wanted to help me not getting upset but instead, I miss-understood this became afraid to show weakness.
I put on a smile at my face and I wore it all the time!
When I got adult I became very much of a drama queen but I kept that smile on my face. I was not a true smile but this was the only way I knew of getting in contact with feelings. I wanted to feel everything and put myself in situations where the feeling was very strong.
I cried and smiled.
I screamed and smiled.
I acted very spontaneous all the time and did not really care for the consequences. Just like I was a child.
I wanted to “try” the feelings but was afraid and put on a smile to hide.
This got consequences because I did not how to deal with emotions. I actually got mentally sick for some years.
When I finally meet my “inner child” everything stopped. I let the inner child “talk” and I listen, I let her tell me what I should have done and I let her tell the truth. I let her have all emotions, all thoughts and I gave her permission to be sad without smiling.
I got calm, I got peace in mind, I got happiness and the best part is, it is still the same way. I don´t have any of these previous dramas anymore.
So what did I do?
I had many breakthroughs but here is some that were major.
1. Roleplay with my coach
I met my two-year-old Ellen in an exercise with a coach working through roleplays.
If someone would have told me that I had a trauma from my two-year-old I would not believe them. I hade a great childhood! Now I know that every one of us has these kinds of traumas.
I actually never thought you could do a trip back to two years. I thought “how can I ever remember this” but the thing is when I did this journey I did not remember a specific day, and how things looked, I just remember it’s like an emotion.
I could talk to myself when I was two-years-old and by this, I could explain to why thing where like they were.
When meditation entered my life I first did not like it.
I just thought it was boring.
After a while something changed and I could see things clearer.
This was not really the direct answer but it was easier to make good decisions and my stress changed dramatically.
Things from the past came up and I knew that it was time to deal with these things.
Here is a list of good meditations for healing your inner child.
3. Invested in Self-development courses and books online
A big change for me was when I started to invest in my self. If you don´t invest in your self how can you ever grow?
I decided to invest in two different coached (not at the same time). It is Lisa Nichols and Bob Proctor.
Bob has this amazing program that is one year long. Step by step I learned more about myself and the world around me. This program is called “six minutes of success” and I wrote a review here if you like to know more.
Lisa has also great online programs but instead, I recommend you to read her book “No matter what”. This is a game-changer not only for the inner child but for your whole life.
I love hypnosis. It makes me just flow away for a while.
The hypnosis I do are in Swedish so I can´t recommend these. I think it is best to do hypnosis in your native language. I heard that they have plenty good at Amazon.
When I do Yoga of it very often things just pop up in my head. Things that I have hidden for my-self. If things coming to my mind I usually sit down and write. This helps me understand and process these things.
I like to do yoga online. Then I can decide for my self when to do it and also I can deal with things that come to my mind directly.
Here is my favorite: YogaVibes
Hope this was helpful and that you know a bit more about the Inner child.
Please comment if you want to add something or have a question!